Bullets and Sidewalks
by oltl555
Summary: Ahh, the college life. Ashley and Spencer met in their first year, but can Ash handle being more than just friends? And can Spence handle Ashley's problems? Can anyone deal with Aiden and Kyla? I guess we'll see...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – Either Way, I'll Break Your Heart Someday**

So the other day I decided to take a chance, and not just about some arbitrary decision that really has no consequence, but a legit chance on how I feel about someone. But before I just throw you into that whole situation, I should introduce myself. Hold that thought, someone way more beautiful needs to be introduced first…

"Hey babe, how're you this lovely morning?"

"Well someone's unusually chipper today."

And that would be my oh-so-funny girlfr… uurrr, um, friend. Best friend, that's a girl, that I happen to be hooking up with. Okay, so she's way more than my best friend, but for some reason I can't bring myself to say the "g" word. And no, not gay. The more intimidating word… I just don't know what it is about the official title, but it's so hard to even think about.

"….hello?, gorgeous?, did you even hear me?"

"Huh? Yeah yeah yeah. Sorry, I spaced out there for a minute, just thinking of you. And I know, but thanks for the compliment anyway."

"The size of your ego never seizes to amaze me. Once I say anything about your looks or body, you immediately start to listen."

"It's too big, it's too wide… It's too strong, it won't fit…"

"Oh my God, I can't believe you just started to sing that song about yourself…"

"What do you expect? She's awesome. Plus I remember YOU being the one who demanded we play that CD for a month straight."

"Whatever you say, you still listen to Beyonce. We both know it. But I have to get to class, because unlike some people standing here, I actually have to be in attendance."

"It's not my fault you chose lots of intellectual classes. So have fun learning and I'll see you tonight girl."

She casually steps closer to me and takes the coffee I have been holding for her this whole time out of my hands slowly while also leaning in to give me a kiss. Now who can refuse such an awesome girl a silent request/demand like that? Definitely not me, so I happily kiss her back and just as I run my tongue over her bottom to deepen the kiss, she takes a step back, putting a lot more space than I want at this moment between us. She gives me the look that says I should know better. She is about to be late after all.

"Sorry Ash, we can pick back up once I come over to your apartment tonight."

My smile kind of falters, but I quickly turn on my charming smile. Hopefully she won't notice I forgot we made plans last night to hang out tonight again.

"…You forgot, what am I going to do with you?"

"No, I didn't forget. Well, I did, but it's not like I made other plans already. So we're still good. You best be going. You're late as it is."

"I'm such a priority to you, I feel so loved… but thanks again for the coffee. Shoot, okay. I'm so late. I'll call when I'm out."

With one more quick kiss, she turned the corner toward her classroom. I'm sure she will be calling me right after she gets her work done. See, that's just the thing, before she (welcomingly) interrupted my explanation to you, I was trying to get at.

Her name is Spencer Carlin. She's been my best friend since day one of college. And now she's so much more than that. We go to UCLA, I couldn't stand to live anywhere but Los Angeles. And I'm here for music and business, hence why she makes fun of me about never going to classes. I basically just play music for hours and hours as my "classes," but I occasionally have meetings and I do take some other classes that require attendance. I've lived in L.A. since I was born, and I've traveled the world for a bit but still made it back here because it's home. On the other hand, Spencer had really never been to this great state until she looked here for school. She said she flew in for one day to tour the school and fell in love with the place. So when she flew back home to Ohio, she told her parents that is where she would be going to school if she got in (as if she would've gotten rejected). Apparently after months of debate and negotiations, she got her wish and enrolled at UCLA. Her parents are another topic that I'm not really feeling like getting into right now, but I for sure will when I have enough time. Anyway, I'm so happy she did come here, because in turn, I got my wish too. Meeting the girl who gets me, slash she's the most genuine and real girl ever slash she's so hot (Just facts, she totes is).

And I guess you're probably wondering why in the world I can't bring myself to say the "g" word, even in my thoughts, because we pretty much are dating (for some odd reason that term is less official to me, just go with it). It seems as if I have it all, and I know I really do. Because she would never fuck me over, although I'm so scared I might hurt her. She's very attached. Don't get me wrong, I would die for that girl in an instant, but I really don't have a legitimate answer for why I feel suffocated by her at times. Since we started hooking up, I feel more and more pressure to make this official. And it's really nothing to do with Spencer, these are all of my problems with no rationale behind them. If anything since we stepped up our friendship, I would say she has backed off a little bit. Not too much, because that's just not her personality, but her calling me after she gets out of class and me buying her things and us hanging out was the usual even when we were still in the "friends zone"… though, one could argue we are still technically in that zone.

Sometimes I think she realizes I can't fully commit. Not even in the sense that I would want to hook up or date anyone else, but she notices the little things. So do I. For example, whenever I say bye with "girl" at the end (or any other time I say girl for that matter), I can tell her smile almost drops. It's like she's expecting me to say the longer "g" word… the one ending in, well, "end." And if it becomes official, it will end at some point just like everything else I normally mess up. And how I want to say it so bad, but I just don't want to hurt her. At all, I want to protect her from the world, including myself.

So yeah, I want to just say that my problems stem from the fact that I love hanging out with my other friends too. Wow, that makes it seem like I never want to chill with Spencer, but that's the opposite of what's happening. I want her to be there so both of us can hang out with all of our friends at once. I love Spencer, but I just don't know if I should have taken this step up with her. Gahh… this is why my decision is actually effecting my daily life. All I do is think about what could make her life easier, and I'm way too much stress for her perfect self. I don't want to mess this up, and I get more nervous the more and more she wants to hang out without anyone else there. We did it before we were dating everyday because I can't stand to be without her for any longer than that, but now I feel nervous. Ashley Davies does not get nervous. I should be making girls swoon, but I know I make the most important girl swoon, she just catches me off guard sometimes too. And I'm not used to it and I don't want to distance myself from her. I want to be there for her always, and I think that becoming more than friends may be slowing shutting off that option. But who knows… I need to get out of my own head and have a talk with Aiden before Spence calls me about tonight. I heard some things around campus about him and my sister back together. Kyla better know what she's getting into, considering he's playing basketball. And I'll beat his ass if he's trying to screw her over.

So I hop back into the most important thing in my life… I said thing, as in object, not person… my one and only Porsche. My prize possession. Not even kidding, it's vintage and I won it at a car show when I was 16. I had to have it, and thanks to my inheritance… I easily outbid everyone else for this one-of-a-kind model. But moving on, I have business to take care of and only a few hours to get it done. Damn Aiden and his basketball practice all the time. So I leave the academic buildings and drive toward my apartment because I know for sure he wouldn't make the effort to go a couple of more blocks to his own place. I should kick his ass for that and for not talking to me about the Kyla thing. I had to hear it from some friends I have classes with. Yet I can't stop thinking about the beautiful blonde (who's pretty much always on my mind) even with this other "distracting" situation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – Accidents Can Happen**

_***Flashbacks are in italics._ I also just wanted to say this chapter is more of a summary on Ashley's life and some other important stuff. I'm not for sure because I haven't written it out yet, but I think that it will mostly be some flashbacks of Ashley and Spencer through Ashley's POV.

Okay so I think I can tell you a little bit more about myself now that I have some down time before Spencer come here. She called about an hour ago saying she had to go back to her dorm and double-check her paper before she submits it. I read the paper, it's very well written on a boring topic, like always. So she should be here relatively soon.

Umm… basically my life is a bit of a rollercoaster. I've had some pretty terrible shit happen to me, but I also have learned (with lots of therapy that I fought for so many years to not go to) that I need to just keep moving forward. Where to start? I guess my mom… My mom died when I was almost three. I don't really remember her, but Dad said she was awesome. He also says I look just like her. Raife was always looking out for me, and wanted a mother figure in my life so he remarried. I've never really come to full terms with the possibility that he could have loved Christine like he did my mom, Nicole, but I did allow him to remarry (yes, they needed my permission) when I was 4. Right after they got married, they had Kyla one year later. Needless to say I was not too excited at the fact I was an older sister. I took over the role of making fun of her when we were kids, but once I hit high school, I kind of got over the whole thing and embraced the fact I could look out for her. She was related to me, and I could never turn my back on family. Now that you know how Kyla and I are related, you're probably wondering how both of us and Aiden made it to the same high school and college.

When I was 16, my mentor and best friend at the time died. I never like going into detail about it, but he was one of my Dad's clients, a music producer. He was extremely talented, and he was really young for a producer at the age of 23. Patrick was fantastic. I loved him almost as much as my Dad, and I respected him a lot more because he was always honest with me. Whenever Raife had a business trip to go on or he would work late or take Christine out on dates, I would hang out with Patrick. He was like the older brother I wanted and the authority figure that replaced my parents at many times. I could tell him anything and he would understand… he just so happened to be the first person I told I was gay. For some reason, he wasn't surprised…

"_That's all you wanted to tell me? Really Ash, I feel like you could have at least added that there was a girl you were dating with that comment." Okay.. so he wasn't freaking out. I just practiced telling him that for the entire day, and he already knew! "…Ashley, Ashley Nicole Davies, listen up. I'm not done here." Uh oh, Pat just used his parenting voice. He's going to make an awesome dad some day. "Sorry, but you didn't seem interested when I told you the big news. You know I space out." Patrick just moved over to the couch I was sitting on and wrapped me up in his gangly arms to hug me with no intension to let go… "Ash, I love you. You're the closest thing to a sister I have, and you're definitely my best friend. Don't ever feel like you should hide who you are. Hell, if I did that, I would have never met you. You're the most confident fifteen year old I have ever known. I don't expect anything less than the absolute best for you. Now, about your big secret you just told me, I'm always around you. You do realize we talk about girls a lot, right? You may have never thought about it like that, but I know you're going to be a real heart breaker very soon. Just make sure to have fun and never give someone the power over you to make you feel like a shitty person for simply being yourself. Just because you like girls, doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're way more of an idiot if you're that closed-minded not to accept people that fucking rock. I know I'm not supposed to say the "f" word around you, but I think Raife will let it slip. I'll always be here for you Ashley. And I'm going to still be sitting by your side in an hour when Raife gets back into this office and you tell him what you told me. I know you want to tell him too, and I'll be here for you no matter what, so will he."_

That speech Patrick gave to me when I was 15 was the moment in my life that I knew he would never leave me. He had told me before that night that he was my best friend and I could call him whenever, but when he told me all of the other stuff just to cheer me up and then stayed until I told my Dad the news allowed me to fully accept myself for who I was. From that day forward, I embraced everything about my family, including Patrick. That's when I decided to give Kyla a chance, I mean, she was only nine at the time… I knew she looked up to me while I ignored her. So when I told my Dad later that night, I also told Christine (we decided Kyla could find out later when she was older) and apologized to Christine for how I acted for the last however many years of my life. I don't know how excited she was to hear that I liked girls, but I think she was happy I cared enough to tell her. Dad was probably more relieved than anything. He said that for the first couple minutes of my stumbling rant to him that he definitely thought I was going to tell him Patrick and I were dating. Hell no, that would have been so weird. Anyway, back to my point. Everything was starting to look up, but in my sophomore year the shit hit the fan. Around two months after my sixteenth birthday, Patrick died. I literally have only told one person about the actual situation, Aiden. And that was only because he was on a need-to-know basis at that point in my life so he made me tell him what was up with me. Spence doesn't even know what exactly happened, and I've told stuff and opened up to her way more than I have ever have to Aiden. Yeah, uurrr… moving forward.

The real reason I was still able to go to high school and college with Aiden and Kyla is because after Patrick's death, I just stopped everything. I mean, I literally went to the studio that I had spent so many hours in with just him and me and sat there for days. My Dad was so worried, but I refused to leave. It wasn't like I wasn't drinking water… I had a cup every couple hours. But I don't know that for sure, it seemed like I was only in there for a few minutes. Maybe just enough time to sing part of the song we were constantly working on together. He had written hundreds of songs and melodies, and I had notebooks filling my room with random lyrics that I thought up, but we never finished the song. I've never finished _that_ song. It doesn't seem fitting, everything I think might work ends up being less than what Patrick deserves. So I didn't go to school… my Dad had me withdrawn and gave me space. But he didn't give me as much space as I wanted, and that's where I started screwing everything up. I lost respect for Raife for some unknown reason, and we're still not on the best terms today. Don't think I don't love my Dad, but I did and said horrible things that kind of put a dent in our relationship. I definitely made life hell for Christine. They live in New York City now, and spend half the year in Madrid. They still have the beach house in California because Kyla missed them a lot. I've tried to patch as much as I could up between all three of us, but I just think it's because I don't get along with parents, I'm not one of those people.

I pretty much just slept around and hung out with the worst people ever for the next two years. I was definitely testing the theory about hitting rock bottom before actually getting better. I was 18 years old, hot, with a huge inheritance burning a hole in my pocket. L.A. became my playground, and I was drinking alcohol like it was water. I thought pot would help me relax, so I decided to try that casually for a couple months. I eventually just didn't care enough to smoke because I hated spending time with people and using it as a "social" drug. It was so annoying to see all these people laughing at anything because they were high, and I pretty much flipped out one day and have never seen any of them since. It's not like they were respectable people. I'm pretty sure most were homeless and just using me. What else was new? I don't actually remember much of those two years until I was 18 because it all blurs together as one memory. One terrible nightmare, I think I tried other drugs but I couldn't tell you which ones. I didn't have friends because no one even came close to Patrick. And I didn't want to hurt anymore. I pushed my family away and basically lived in the studio, only eating small sandwiches a maid would bring me and my alcohol.

The next event in my life just pushed me in the right direction. I guess it's because I hadn't seen him before, but he looked so God damn happy shooting hoops by alone that night. I watched him play for about three hours. At the end when I got up off the park bench to leave (and had sobered up enough to realize which way the studio was), I realized he was crying. He called after me… I guess he noticed me watching him creepily for such a long time. That's how I met Aiden Dennison. Although he may say we met at a diner, the one I now live above, just because it's a cleaner version. We did go and talk at the diner after he caught up to me… I didn't even recognize how far I really was from the studio. He slid nicely into my life at the time because as much as I wanted no one around, I needed _someone_ to save me. It worked out because I never talked back then and listened a lot. Aiden was always talking about whatever popped into his head, but I think he's more reserved now. He told me why he was so upset that night, and eventually (not on the first night we met, obviously), I had to tell him about Patrick. But I didn't even tell him the real story until we got back from our trip.

Aiden and I decided we needed a trip as soon as possible. To anywhere, but we needed to get out of California. Raife wasn't too excited about that choice I made, but I guess he was happy to comply (considering I had the money and was an adult so he had no choice). I think he mostly wanted me out of the studio room I converted into my new living area. So I left for two years, and for two years Aiden and I hung out, found our women of the moment and traveled everywhere. At first we thought it would be cool to go around the U.S. on some new motorcycles. So we did, and that was interesting. We eventually left them somewhere in the desert because we wanted something really different… so Europe we went. And Asia. And South Africa. Then we decided to head to the Middle East for quite some time. We finally thought it was time to come home, but we couldn't choose the final place on our world tour. I mean, we had covered a lot, but Aid wanted to live in Buenos Aires for longer than we had, but I wanted to live in Spain. We had traveled there, but we didn't stay any longer than one week. We did both… Argentina first and Madrid last. I bought Raife and Christine a house there as "I'm coming back to L.A. present."

The inheritance from my Mom was barely dented with that trip. It was a trip of a lifetime, and it just so happened to be my lifeline. I came to terms with a lot of bad things in my life, and Aiden found peace when he needed it. I realized how much I hated the person I was drinking 24/7 and just kind of stopped. I knew I was never an alcoholic because even when I was a train wreck for two years straight, I vividly remember not drinking for months on end. I just don't think I moved from my makeshift bed at the time either.

Aiden wanted to "do something" with his life, play basketball. I was hesitant to stay his friend when we returned home, but somehow he charmed his way permanently into my life. I guess I'm fine with that, I was always the social one before…everything bad. So he bought an apartment and needed to find a high school that could allow him to be recruited by a good college. I didn't really know what I wanted, but Raife demanded I finish school. He thought my last two years were spent doing much of what I did before I was 18, and he was so wrong. But I complied and enrolled in the same private high school Aiden ended up wanting to go to. Luckily I told Raife I wasn't going to school without Aiden. We were sophomores (again) when Kyla was a freshman. She didn't want to go to a public school, rather Christine didn't want her daughter to have the same name as a dropout in that other school. So there you have it, all three of us went to school together. Aiden and I graduated with each other's help, and Kyla followed us one year later, once again (but it's okay because it's easier to look out for her this way), to UCLA. It was a strange story how I found my life again after a four year break from school. Kyla became my other best friend, but I still held out information to her. Those two were the ones I looked toward everyday to make sure I didn't slip up again. I never got my great relationship back with my Dad, and him and Christine moved after Kyla's high school graduation. They kept the beach house to visit every once in awhile, normally coming down and having Kyla and I eat with them. Actually, Kyla spends a week with them… I normally visit twice or so for a meal. Raife has been flying in on his own to check on the record company and the management, and we've been hanging out like we used to before Patrick died. But we both notice the tension between us because something feels off… Patrick isn't going to interrupt us at any moment, we only have each other to entertain.

Now, Spencer is included as my family in such a different way than Aiden and Kyla are. Spencer just naturally gets me. It's like she can understand every one of my body movements. She's always direct with me if I'm being too conceded, or just the right amount, and I can never refuse her head-tilt. She knows what my weaknesses are, but she makes me feel better about them. Yet I keep getting this heartbreaking feeling that I'm not enough for her. Like that she'll realize the moment I ask her to actually go out with me that she deserves more. More than someone who might slip back into a depressed state and need a four year vacation to learn to function properly again.

So that's my life story in a (granted) long nutshell. I'm 24 years old, the same age as Aiden, and I love my best friend, Spencer Marie Carlin. I just don't know if I can date her without making her want to run away. I guess for information purposes… Kyla is 19 and a freshman in college. Aiden, Spencer, and I are all sophomores. I'll get to the story of how I met the best girl ever later, but it does have to do with how old she is… which is 20. Kyla is an older freshman, and Spence's birthday isn't until May, making her younger than most in her grade… but more on that at a later date.

You're now pretty well caught up on the in's and out's of Ashley Davies… ummmm…. yeah.

I've pretty much just been hanging around my place all day long since I got back this morning. I mean, once I got back, Aiden wanted to grab some food at the diner under my apartment, so we went there and had our talk. He said he hasn't made anything official with Kyla _yet_. He was being kind of cryptic with the whole thing, but I did find out they just went to the movies together the other day. The back-story to them is, surprisingly, not that complicated. In high school, Kyla and Aiden dated for a couple of months, but I guess they both just grew apart. Aiden was still my best friend, but Kyla would get mad at the fact that her boyfriend spent more time with me than her. And I still don't see what's wrong, bros before hoes. Not that Kyla is a hoe, nor am I a bro. It's just the saying… I do love bro-ing out with Aiden and the guys from time to time. It's relaxing, plus I've never really been into the whole girls as friends before Spencer- Kyla is blood, so it doesn't count. But yeah, they both decided they didn't want to argue about that anymore (because Aiden and I would never do anything together, ewww) and basically just became friends again. I don't think Kyla was too attached to him at the time considering she moved on pretty fast. She's one of those girls to always get a boyfriend. Recently, she and Aiden have been hanging out more, or should I say Kyla actually comes over to Aiden's when I do. She used to just go out with other people or hang at home with whoever. Now I feel like I see them a lot together. As long as he doesn't break her heart (and don't worry, I drove home that point over lunch), I'm totally fine with them dating. Now that he has my permission, I guarantee that they'll "facebook" official by tomorrow morning.

I knew I shouldn't freak out too much over that situation because Aid is a big teddy bear. He wants to be all tough and everything because he plays on the basketball team, but he's always had a soft spot for Kyla. I knew when they broke up he wasn't about to break down and cry, but he did care a lot about her. Maybe even love her… I could tell when he used to look out for her in high school even after they had the awkward transition from dating to friends.

So lunch with Aiden wasn't a complete success even though I was happy he wanted to talk to me before he and Kyla did anything too drastic. I think they already have… well, at least told each other how they feel, because he wasn't answering all my questions. I let it slide then mostly because I knew I was going to talk to Ky right when she got back from classes. Plus I really wanted to move onto my problems and my situation with Spencer.

Aiden wasn't a huge resource for advice today, but I couldn't really complain because he was one of the only ones who would listen to my non-stop Spencer rants. His advice was simple and blunt… I needed to get over myself and just make Spencer happy. He also said that I'm thinking too much about this "problem" because I really don't have many other friends, just people I know from Aiden, and that I need to ask Spencer the questions I asked him. We have literally been dating-but-not-actually-but-we-both-know-we-really-are-dating since the beginning of the year, and part of the summer when she came the L.A. early for school from Ohio to see me. So I think about four months now considering it's September. Aiden cut our conversation short because he had to lift before practice, and I needed to work out anyway, so we're going to talk this weekend. By then he'll be willing to talk more about his relationship anyway, and I am genuinely interested even when I want to focus on myself and Spencer.

I hear my phone ring, and it snaps me out of my daze immediately. It's Spencer. I know I was annoyed earlier, but damn I miss her right now! Oh…she's finally here!

Okay, so I have a little more to go on the next chapter, so keep the reviews coming and I'll post it as soon as I finish it.

Also, the chapter titles are songs that will come around later. Ashley will most likely be explaining the songs when they appear, but I just thought I'd let you know. And I hope you're enjoying this story!


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